I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
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