....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
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Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
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We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
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