oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
