I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
