u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
