I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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