i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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