You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
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