a queef is a wish your heart makes.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Did I show you my penis last night?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
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