I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
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We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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