Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
