I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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