She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
