You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
