alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
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