I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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