She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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