i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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