i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
Randomize
