Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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