My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
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she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
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My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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