After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize
