we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
