Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Randomize
