i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize