i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
I queefed so loud it echoed.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
