So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I just blew my weed a kiss
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
