Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
