Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
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My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
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CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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