he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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