it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Pants are for mortals
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize
