My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
