Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Randomize
