You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
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