i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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