your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
