Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Randomize
