my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.