Will you blow on my dice?
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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