I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
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P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare