Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
25 People Admit the Worst Things They’ve Done for Good Reasons
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
25 Things All Men Can Definitely Agree On
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located