come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants