So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
