he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Randomize
