If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Randomize
