I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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