It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
