Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
seriously considering getting an electric blanket rather than sleeping with guys this winter for warmth.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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