We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
