Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
