dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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