She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
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well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
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