Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
