I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
