I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
