I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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