he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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