she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
