Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
