I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
