You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
