Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
