my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Randomize
