i already hear my dad disowning me
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
