I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
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