so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
