you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
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If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
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I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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