I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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