You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
