my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize
